"How to Tell If You Are a Natural Healer" with guest blogger Tina Kinney Clarke

       Are there problems in your family that get passed from generation to generation?  Did it stop with you?  Then you were born to heal your family.

       I had another aha moment yesterday, I've been getting a lot of those lately.  What has been working for me is talking with like-minded friends about life and it's leading me to a lot of these aha moments.  So I was inspired to write this blog post, I hope it helps you understand how many of you are healers...just by being who you are!

       I realized something about myself and many members of my family, even friends, today.  Many people alive today were born to break a cycle within their families.  Talk about being born healers!  I am not talking about just this lifetime but I am talking about ancestral healing.  Healing that transcends generations.

       What am I talking about?  When I conduct a healing session with a client, I approach it multi-dimensionally.  I understand that you are a soul in a human body and that time is just a construct on Earth.  Only on Earth do we have a past, present and future.  The reality is that everything is happening RIGHT NOW.  So when I receive past life information it’s really “another life” happening right now.  It’s not happening in the past.  Same thing applies to a “future” life that is happening right now.

       How can we do all of this?  Imagine your soul as being humongous.  One day your soul says, "I want to experience something different.  I want to live apart from the Creator.  Everything I learn will be downloaded back to the Creator so he knows what I am experiencing.  In fact, I don’t want just one experience, I want thousands at once.”
       And then your soul splits into thousands of pieces into thousands of lives on this planet and many others.
       And you, right now?  You only have a piece of your soul within you.  Knowing this, I understand that there are many lives affecting you right now.  When I conduct a healing session, these lives come up for healing or knowing.
       Now let’s talk about our physical bodies.  We have DNA that we have inherited from our ancestors.  Within this DNA are all of the lessons, experiences and unresolved issues from our ancestors.  What does this mean?  If a lesson was not learned, if healing was not experienced, we carry it down the line generation after generation.
       A few years ago, I had an opportunity to heal something in my ancestral line.  I got a chronic sore throat that wouldn’t go away.  After a month of normal medical tests and no relief, I knew that the cause was not a physical one.  It was a symptom of energy blockage, which can stem from another life (“past” life), the current past or your childhood, or a cause related to Spirit.  I saw a healer who told me that one of my ancestors had a “block” put on any descendant who attempted to practice psychic and mediumship healing abilities.  The healer said it wasn’t done malevolently but as a form of protection…because the ancestor had the same abilities and was kicked out of her family for it.  The healer removed the blockage and my sore throat was healed and I continued with my work to this day.
       Are you still with me?  I hope so, because this is not easy to explain but the story is so rewarding!  I and every single one of you carry the DNA of our ancestors and whatever does not heal gets carried down from generation to generation.  Here some examples…
       My mother grew up very poor in the Philippines.  She broke this cycle by not getting married young and not having many children (like her older sisters did), moved to the USA and earned her bachelor’s degree.  She broke that cycle of poverty.  Not only that, she helped most of her brothers and sisters get here too!
       My father grew up in New England, but also poor.  In addition, his father, my grandfather, was an alcoholic (who knows how many generations back that goes).  My father broke that cycle.  Another cycle he broke was the many generations of ancestors who lived their lives in New England going back to 1600s.  He moved to New York City and married a Filipino woman.  I mean, how shocking!
       My friend had a mentally ill mother.  Although emotionally and physically abused as a child, my friend became a very different mother.  She’s nurturing, kind and loving.  She broke the cycle of mental illness and abuse in her family.
       Another friend has a father with severe hoarding tendencies.  Her home is neat and uncluttered.  She broke that cycle.
       You see what I mean?  Have you broken the cycle in your family?  Are there multi-generational problems in your family that stops with you?
       YOU ARE A HEALER.  You might not realize it but we are playing roles.  Perhaps your mother brought all the worst family traits into her life right now so that you could be born with the ability to heal THEM ALL.  Amazing right?  You are a healer and you broke the cycle!
       -Tina Kinney Clarke
What cycle are you breaking?

Photo by Ed Clarke

"Tina lives in North Charleston with her husband, 2 daughters and Timothy her familiar aka cat.  She is a Usui Reiki Master teacher, Theta Healer and Shaman. To learn more about her visit www.stargazingangel.com."
- Tina Kinney Clarke

Your Own Place (Svadhishthana)

       There is a place hidden within me that I call my own.  A place where my happiness shines with a warm, orange glow.  It is the forest of pleasure that lies at the very center of who I am; a true and unspoiled oasis of the senses.  The torrential waterfall of imagination and bubbling thoughts merge with the mountains of creativity and joy to birth my own passion and intimacy.  It is a natural sanctuary where my Atman visits to sing and dance.  But with the flowing waters of emotion come the scattered pieces of what my awareness must put to shame.  I feel with all of my perceptions, every part of my being, until I can't help but absorb the shame and guilt of societal pressures.  I know, just as much as anyone, that hidden pain and sadness never go away.  I will push myself to express my dissatisfaction's so that I can find my own truth.  In doing so, I will find my freedom.  Sometimes it's hard to find the origination point of emotional upset, but I can feel within my being that there must be a deeply hidden place that stores these sentiments.  This place within is called the Svadhishthana.  It is the absolute foundation of emotional well-being, the energy place that whispers to us about how we relate to the world while we seek the formation of our identity.  It is the place where we FEEL.  It is where we enjoy ourselves and live in the moment, to experience the fullness of life.  Svadhishthana is the heaven that we hold within, and it is easily torn away by the world around our physical bodies.  On the one hand, we have ideas that bring us joy and partners who share our physical pleasure.  On the other hand, we have cultural struggles, societal coercion, and the gross misuse of sexual energy.  The culture we live in magnifies unrealistic images of sex, while other parts of the community condemn physical pleasures.  We live in a world where feelings are not valued, where ardor and emotional reactions are frowned upon, while abusive fetishes and the denial of one's own desires are a necessary sacrifice for "happiness".  The waters between normal, healthy desires and excessive, opportunistic impulses become muddy.  We are left in confusion of our true wants, in shame of our natural responses, and with a lack of fire for anything humanly real.  This disparity is what turns my own soul place into a hell of internal pain, addiction, and emotional instability.  This is where I feel the disconnect between my body and my feelings.  I learned not to trust myself and to deny my true desires.  How can I create anything of beauty when I am disconnected from my sensual self?  I love my body.  I enjoy my body.  I will walk with bare feet.  I will envision the orange glow healing the belly of my closeness.  I will do more of exactly what makes me happy.  I will allow my energy to transform the feelings within my body, to let go, to move, to feel the winds of change.  I will have healthy boundaries.  I will feel pleasure and passion with every breath that I take.  I will nourish my body while valuing and respecting my own needs.  My sexuality is sacred and my emotions are the language of my soul.  I am at peace.
Where's your secret place?

"Bohemian Goddesses" with guest blogger Caleigh Bird

       As a contemporary figure and portrait artist I feel that it is very important to be representational of all kinds of people and to celebrate our unique differences as positive rather than as an exclusionary negative.  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and once one learns to open up their eye to the possibility of different being beautiful then the whole world lights up, literally and figuratively.
       In my "Bohemian Goddesses" series I am exploring women whose beauty transcends the (crumbling) traditional American ideal standards of perfection.  Namely, unique and exquisite women who are not primarily of Anglican descent.  Women who may have been marginalized in the past, but today are finding their own powerful voices and loyal audiences and are helping to create a more balanced, in tune, and accepting future.
       Growing up and attending art school in the Southeastern US, all of my art professors, live models, and almost every artist we studied, were of Eastern European descent.  Even when studying art abroad throughout France and Italy my experience was no different.  Although I enjoyed my time in Europe immensely and reveled in the priceless and near perfect paintings and sculptures at many of the world’s most renowned museums, I couldn’t help but notice that because of years and years of systematic oppression, beautiful culturally and colorfully diverse faces are practically nowhere to be found among the great art collections of the Western world.
       Still to this day this separation occurs in contemporary art, through no specific intention I assume, but as a continuation of the subconscious, yet perpetual, marginalization of our melanin rich and ethnically diverse sisters and brothers here in the US.  I believe that the modern art scene in general, from its exhibiting artists to its muses, should be ever more representational of all the unique citizens of this earth.  Lovingly painting these stunningly gorgeous faces as well as sharing a little bit about the actual women behind the portraits is one small way that I can help to spread a worldwide message of appreciation and admiration for one another.
       Along with craving more diversity in the fine art world, I have become incredibly inspired ever since my move to Hawai’i in 2015.  For the first time in my life I am living in a community that is not predominantly Caucasian, which at first felt foreign and exotic, but now just feels like home.  O’ahu is an incredible melting pot with people of every culture and heritage from around the globe, which, combined with the vivid and indescribably rich palette of the natural island, has my artistic heart soaring. 
       The final piece of the puzzle came into play as a result of being invited into the personal lives of many different women all over the world via social media and becoming so impressed by so much beauty that was unlike the beauty I was used to experiencing.  I felt compelled to celebrate and embrace these powerful living goddesses in a truly magical way.
       It is my wish that viewers of this collection will be left with the impression of deep respect and admiration that I hold for my muses, as well as for all of our sisters and brothers who are growing and blossoming and creating and thriving and transforming our world into a better and more enriching place.
       - Caleigh Bird
Where's your inner goddess?

Bohemian Goddesses

Caleigh Bird Art

"Caleigh Bird, a fine artist, blogger, and YouTuber, was born in Toronto in 1984 and was brought up in historic Charleston, SC.  Caleigh received her Bachelor’s Degree in Studio Art with an Art History Minor from the College Of Charleston and she received her Master’s Degree in Studio Art at the University of South Carolina in Columbia, SC.  Caleigh has also spent time studying painting at the Istituto Michelangelo in Florence, Italy as well as Studio Escalier in Argenton Chateau, France.  In 2015 she relocated to Oahu, Hawaii and is currently finding new inspiration in the lush landscapes and vivid palette of the tropics, as well as the culturally diverse population."
- Caleigh Bird

Say I'm A Dreamer

       I want you to go to a quiet place for a while and, if you can, allow your mind to be opened.  Place your right hand over your heart and feel it beating.  Concentrate on slowing the rise and fall of your chest to a steady rhythm.  I want you to imagine that you are releasing all of the tension and stress and pain in your body with each expiration.  With every inhalation imagine that you are breathing in love and light and peace.  When a small smile tugs at the corners of your lips, then we are ready to begin.  Now I want you to imagine that you are sitting on the ground looking at the world around you.  There are no buildings or houses or cars, only other people sitting in their own spot on the earth doing the same thing that you are doing.  No one has any place to be or any judgement to make or anything to sell you.  We are all the same, sitting in the grass across the entire surface of the green planet, holding our hearts and smiling at each other.  You just felt world peace.  You just saw a society where there is nothing to fight for and nothing to hate for.  Everyone was happy within themselves and happy that you were happy within yourself.  Do you know why the human race will never accomplish this?  I do, but for this one moment I will allow myself to feel at peace and continue to imagine a world in harmony.

Imagine there's no heaven (It's easy if you try)

No hell below us

Above us only sky

Imagine all the people living for today

Imagine there's no countries (It isn't hard to do)

Nothing to kill or die for

And no religion too

Imagine all the people living life in peace

Imagine no possessions (I wonder if you can)

No need for greed or hunger

A brotherhood of man

IMAGINE ALL THE PEOPLE SHARING ALL THE WORLD

You may say I'm a dreamer

But I'm not the only one

I hope someday you'll join us

And the world will be as one

       I invite you to stay in this utopia for as long as your busy life will allow you to, and once gone I encourage you to vacation often.  Even if only for a moment, to live life with our fellow creatures in peace and love.  Sarah Howle revisits us to share her ghostly rendition of John Lennon's vision.

What's your dream?

"The Art Of Intuition" with guest blogger Stephanie "Pixi" Morris

       Have you experienced a time when you absolutely knew what you needed to do and your whole body was vibrating with anticipation, knowing that things would turn out right?  Or, perhaps, have you longed for a way to listen more deeply to that inner-knowing in times when you are confused, anxious, not sure what your next step is?  If you answered yes to either question, then you are ready to dive into connecting with your intuition.
       Up until the 17th century, intuition was defined as “mentally looking at, examining, inspecting.”   After the 17th century, scholastic philosophers stated it meant, “spiritual perception or immediate knowledge.”  Nowadays we define intuition as “immediate apprehension or knowing without intervention of any reasoning.”  We suddenly have a deep knowing, even if it doesn’t always make sense.  The word originated from the Latin “intueri” which means “to consider,” then changed to "intuito" and finally made it’s way to English and other languages as “intuition.”
       A very interesting approach and definition, given by Esoteric Astrology is “…the ability to arrive at knowledge through the activity of some innate sense, apart from reasoning or logical processes.  It comes into activity when the resources of the lower mind have been used, explored, and exhausted.  Then, and only then, the true intuition begins to function.  It is the sense of synthesis, the ability to think in wholes, and to touch the world of causes.”
       I like to see it as a muscle we must keep using and practicing with in order to really feel, hear, or understand when we are being told “yes, this!!”  So, how does one warm up this muscle of intuition?
       Here are a few easy ways to start using your intuition in fun ways so you can start using it in your every day life.

Yoga and Meditation

       When I first started taking yoga and meditation, I had no idea of the profound impact it would have on my electromagnetic field/aura.  Yes, it does help the neural pathways in your brain realign and network better, but it also helps the physical body cleanse and detoxify physically and metaphysically.  As the body continues to find balance, so does the energy system.  I was able to use yoga to heal myself of seizures (read more about that here). While sitting in meditation, like I said you balance out the neural pathways and both hemispheres of the brain so you are more aware of thoughts, emotions, feelings, but it also allows you to find the space you need to truly feel into what you want.  And you never know what might come up during a really good yoga or meditation session.  The moments when you allow your higher self to speak through you are rare and when they happen, especially during yoga and meditation, you’ll know.  Try my meditation to enhance your intuition for free here.

 Get to Know Your Tarot

       A great way to connect with your seat of all knowing self is to take a tarot course or play with any oracle deck you like.  You could give yourself a daily reading or try to give your friends a reading.  To start, pick one to three cards.  Without looking in the book, really look at the cards.  Notice symbolism, notice what’s happening on the card, but without thinking about it too much, what is your gut telling you that the card represents for you or another person.  Its fun to keep a journal of all of the cards you pulled, your answer, and the answer that is in the book.  As you practice more, you will notice you become more and more on point.

Any Self-Healing Modality

       If you have ever heard of reiki, theta healing, crystal healing, or balancing the chakras, your intuition may be guiding you to explore these areas a bit more.  Even if you haven’t, diving into any of these healing modalities (and many others) requires us to tap into our deepest selves and highest self to listen to what we feel is happening.  For example, in reiki, you use the energy of all that is through a laying of the hands on certain energy centers of the body to bring healing to yourself and others.  When we do reiki, we must listen to our inner knowing that says, "ok this area is complete," or we may even be given more information about what is going on if we are open.  The more one practices, the better he/she gets at listening to the information you are intuitively receiving.  Research theta healing, crystal healing, balancing your chakras and more to find out how you can start to open up to listening to your highest truth.

       Wanting to dive even deeper?  Read more here about diving into your intuition and cultivating a spiritual practice.  If you are wanting to complete your reiki certification, priestess certification, would like a theta healing consultation, or more, please see this page and email me at pixi.morris.yoga@gmail.com

       -Stephanie "Pixi" Morris
What's your intuition telling you?

Photo by Stephanie Stein

"The desire to help others heal themselves led Stephanie “Pixi” Morris down a path of learning many different healing modalities. After being a teacher herself at private schools in Memphis, TN and Charleston, SC for 8 years, she is passionate about educating + helping others. She has her masters in Education and has been a Kundalini Yoga Instructor for nearly a decade.  She is also a Reiki Master Teacher, Angel Card Reader, High Priestess, and is completing her aromatherapy & herbal certification.  Her teachers and training instructors include Ana Bret & Ravi Singh, Reema Datta, Shiva Rea, Moses Love & Zeina, Gabrielle Bernstein, Lisa Michaels, Olivia Lomax, and many others. She leads an online Alchemically Awakening Avalon Priestess Training and sells jewelry, magickal sprays, teas, and other healing items on her business page, Apothecary of Avalon.
Pixi currently lives with her husband, two step-sons, and two crazy pups in Charleston, SC.  She enjoys writing, exploring the beach, and decorating her new home via Pinterest in her free time.  To find out more about her click here."
- Stephanie "Pixi" Morris

Raising Partners

       When I think about everything that I've been through, and everything that other little girls have been through, it weighs heavily on me that I can't help other children.  I realize that I can't possibly reach out and save everyone in this world, much like a child who wishes to adopt every puppy in the pound to save their sad faces from the bars of their cages.  But recently I came to a most important discovery: I have all the power for a better future.  Aside from the nieces and cousins that I have the power to influence to be strong and help along their journey, I now know that I can go beyond that.  I'm raising two boys of my own and THAT'S where the power is!  Of course I want to instill strength and power into every single little girl on the face of this planet, but what if we didn't have to?  What if we simply raised our boys to be good people?  What if we taught them that no means no, and that they should never touch a woman without their consent?  What would happen if we taught them to cook and clean and raise babies, instead of allowing them to think that only the mommy should do that?  What if, instead of telling them how a household should be run, we showed them?  What if we showed them what a loving relationship was, if we apologized to them when we were wrong, if we cried in front of them when we were sad, and laughed with them when we were happy?  What would happen if we taught our boys that it's okay for them to express their feelings and work through them?  We have already started raising our little girls to be strong and brave in order for them to survive in today's world, but shouldn't we be raising our boys to be more sensitive to the needs of others too?  If I raise my boys to see his female friends, not just look at but truly SEE, then wouldn't that make his future wife happy?  If my son could understand that his girlfriend's feelings are real, even when she is having a hormonal week, then wouldn't her life be that much more full of love?  If he could understand her, and validate her, and support her then she wouldn't have to be hard and tough and hide her emotions.  She wouldn't have to speak out and stand up for herself, because her PARTNER would do it for her and with her.  Boys need to be taught how to take care of themselves, a home, children, and a wife.  We have already taught our daughters how to care for a baby when we bought her that first baby doll.  We already taught her how to cook when we gifted her with a play kitchen and plastic food.  We instill in her to stop being "sassy" and hold her tongue when she speaks her opinion, but we don't do that for our boys.  We buy him sports gear and when he cries we tell him to man up.  Sorry Sam, I refuse.  I think that we should raise our sons and daughters the same, teaching them both the same life skills in the hopes that they both can run a successful household TOGETHER.  I want my sons to grow up to be sensitive.  I want them to come home from work and cook dinner for their children.  I want them to instantly recognize when their wife has had a long day at her job and immediately offer to talk with her or rub her feet.  I want them to respect her body and see her as strong and beautiful, not a maid or a sex object.  The true key to our daughters and granddaughters happiness may not simply lie within the empowerment of the young woman, but within the sensitization of man.
What's your son learning?

"A Journey To Self Love- A Southern Trans Woman" with guest blogger Jaisee Alexander

       How does one encapsulate their entire experience of life onto a few written pages?  I’m not sure that it is possible, but I am going to give it my best.  I was born in 1988 in the state of South Carolina.  They deemed me male at birth and that was a mistake that would take me my entire life to reconcile.
       As a child, I was quite content with life and myself.  I was caring, light-hearted, spirited, and loving.  I was quite feminine naturally and my parents took notice of it.  At the age of five, they put me into Tai-Kwon-Do in hopes that I would be able to learn to defend myself physically from those who might want to do me harm, due to my feminine nature.
       By the age of seven I was still sucking my thumb (my first addiction, one of many to come) and my parents made me an offer.  They said that if I quit sucking my thumb they would buy me a Pocahontas Barbie doll!  My father reconciled this by stating it was NOT a "real" Barbie doll, but a Native American figurine.  You see by this time, most of my friends were girls.  We always played with Barbies and I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t allowed to have one.  You better believe that I quit sucking my thumb, and so that Pocahontas Barbie doll was mine.  It is important to note that before I even left my mother I was using external means (my thumb) to bring about internal peace.  This is a behavior that I’ve carried ever since.
       By the age of eight I realized that the way I behaved was contrary to what others expected of me.  So embarked my journey on how to become a boy.  By middle school I was completely isolated from the male population.  I tried to imitate the behaviors of males, but to no avail. No one was buying my act and I’m not sure I did either.
       I began to struggle, as I could not harmonize my religious beliefs with my growing sexual desire for males.  I tried to throw myself deeper into my faith in desperation that if I just loved God hard enough my profane desires might be alleviated.  My teen years were filled with hazing, isolation, self-hatred, confusion, and so on.  Spring break my junior year in high school, I finally agreed to try marijuana.  It was magically incredible and I was temporarily relieved of my suffering.  Within a couple of weeks I began using cocaine and then alcohol.  So began my decade of using mind-altering chemicals in order to avoid and alleviate suffering.
       Puberty came late and so did the most unexpected.  I had been waiting with such hopes that puberty would save me.  My body would masculinize so that I could finally fit into this binary system of sex and gender.  That was not what happened.  I began to develop fat tissue in my chest.  As my nipples protruded a pain began to develop.  As the months continued, so did the pain.  After a year plus, it was unbearable.  I used to walk down the halls of school pulling at the bottom of my shirt so that no one would see the development of my breasts.  I had to walk down stairs so cautiously because it hurt unbearably.  One day I pushed back on my chest and, much to my surprise, a liquid substance secreted from my nipples.  Thus began the draining of my breasts.  The pain became greater than my shame and I finally told my mother.
       My senior year of high school, I under went liposuction surgery and removed all of the breast tissue in order to make my body resemble a male.  I am an intersex person, but I didn’t even know what that was at this time.  I wanted so badly to be “normal”.  I didn’t realize what a mistake of understanding that was.  I was normal.  I was intersex.  Intersex people are normal and are naturally occurring with biology.  I eradicated my experience and natural state.  If only I had had the understanding of loving myself for myself rather than what I believed others wanted me to be.  Now I see that I dismembered my body due to fear and the hopes of acceptance of others rather than my own.
       I’ve always had this skewed idea that this next thing is what will bring about peace.  I went to college and thought education would save me.  I then graduated and traveled Europe.  I thought traveling would save me.  I went to California and thought being in the LGBT community of San Francisco would save me.  I worked on a hippie farm on Mount Madonna and thought that I could find myself under the tit of a goat and chasing chickens.  Since that didn’t work, I decided to go live in a hippie commune of two hundred plus people in the forest of Guatemala!  That surely should do it.  Nope.  So on to Santiago, Chile to teach English I went.  That wasn’t as successful as I had hoped either.
       My life began to unravel in 2012 and I could no longer keep up my appearances.  I became fragmented in mind, body, and spirit.  My addiction to crack and alcohol had consumed me and I was the hostage.  Something came to me in my crack and alcohol induced narcosis and revealed to me that, in order to ever find peace, I was going to have to transition.  My pain was so grave that I tried to take my life for a third time to get away from the suffering.  I was clearly unsuccessful as I suck at killing myself.  I ended up going to rehab and began my transition to female.
       My sobriety date is October 25, 2013.  Within this time I have done many things, such as work on a leadership board of a non-profit directly giving aid and financial grants to transgender citizens in the state of South Carolina.  I’ve held a few jobs but mostly being employed within the sex industry.  You see, internationally the sex industry is the #1 employer of transgender people, as many places will not higher us knowingly.
       I got lost.  Fell off the path and so found myself again using external factors to create internal peace.  I stayed sober from mind-altering drugs, but found other ways to get high.  I bathed in the attention of males and their attraction to my body.  I felt validated in the way I had always craved.  I gave my power away and became dependent on their attention and validation.
       In January 2017 love found me most unexpectedly.  I met with this guy who said that he was looking for a domme trans woman, and I said that I was looking for a versatile submissive male.  At the time we had no idea that we weren’t really looking for that at all.  He peered straight through all of my masks.  There was no deceiving him.  He saw my pain and instead of running in the opposite direction he held it.  This changed everything for me.  I no longer had to carry it all on my own.  So I met again since I was a child, what it meant to be vulnerable.  Having this man love me showed me all the ways that I still came up short in loving myself.
       After he left and returned to his country I was at such a loss.  I no longer had the attention of males and no longer had his love by my side.  After tasting love I no longer wanted the instant gratification of male sexual attention.  I was stuck with the wreckage I had caused.  Again pain became too great to bear, and so I cracked into fragmented parts of myself.  As I did in 2013, I was able to construct something entirely new from the destruction of my own creation.
       I now have a daily devotion to a daily reflection, sending inspiration to over fifty people daily, practice guided and silent mediation daily, practice yoga a couple times a week, attend recovery meetings weekly, focus on a healthy and nourishing diet daily, and aid those that are suffering when presented.  I am finally able to see that craving has been at the root of my suffering in life.  Unless I work to remove it through compassion and love it will continue to limit my fullest potential within this life.
       -Jaisee Alexander
What's your journey to self-love?

Photo by Nic Pilch

Jaisee is a Charleston native with a traveling soul.  Forced to carve out a reality for herself, she lives within alternative planes of existence finding what is meaningful and purposeful for her.  She’s worked in F&B, taught English in South America, WWOFed, been a small business owner, worked in theater, and currently is developing a career in adult entertainment.  Struggle has been the majority of her life until she was able to untangle the twisted worldview that had been given to her.  She strives to empower others through her experience. 
- Jaisee Alexander

Powerless- Step 1

       The first step to overcoming anything in life is admitting that there is a problem.  Step one of the Narcotics Anonymous program states that "we admitted we were powerless over our addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable".  Alcoholics Anonymous has the same first step, but with the word "alcohol" in place of the word "addiction".  I feel like we can take pretty much any issue that we have in our lives and insert it there.  But unmanageable seems like a pretty strong word, in fact most people have to reach absolute rock bottom before they can see just how messed up things in their lives have gotten.  We're women, we can manage anything, right?  So, I personally like to replace the word "unmanageable" with the word "UNBALANCED".  Because people can actually become addicted to literally anything.  Drugs and alcohol are only the more obviously damaging ones.  Games, shopping, sex, church, anything can become so big that it takes dominance over our lives.  In the words of Dr. Seuss, "...remember that life's A Great Balancing Act."  I am, by no means, saying that you can have a little heroin as long as you feel that you can control it.  We're simply applying this thought to other areas of our lives.  Sometimes I can get so obsessed with the fact that I'm having trouble sleeping that I literally put myself into a teary eyed panic until I REALLY can't sleep.  The thing that we're putting in front of our faces the most becomes the most important thing to us.  I like to think that my body, spirit, and mind is composed of two equal, yet dueling, parts.  We have the yin on one side, dark, cold, sinister, and passive, and on the other side we have the bright, warm, focused, and active yang.  We are all made up of BOTH forces that complement each other.  In body we must exercise; we can't be sedentary, nor can we be overly active to the point of exhaustion.  This principle is beautiful once applied to your life, and offers a oneness of the self that people tend to forget about.  Yes, we are always working to become better people and not let our evil thoughts overcome us.  But we still have to remember that those thoughts are what make us human, and they serve a purpose.  In certain situations our bodies can respond with anxiety, adrenaline, and negative thoughts- that's normal!  We just have to decide in our higher mind whether or not our thoughts are true, and whether or not it is appropriate to act on them.  This process allows us to realize that where there's a shadow, there must be a light.  In simpler terms, everything has two halves.  Two halves make a whole.  When split apart, both halves spend eternity chasing after each other to seek balance and wholeness.  Nothing on earth is only evil or only good, there is simply imbalance.  When our lives become unbalanced we are left with feelings of anger, sadness, contempt, hopelessness, confusion, and even overconfidence.  The first step to regaining balance and control is mindful awareness.  We have to first realize that there is something wrong before we can fix it, and once we begin paying attention to those negative feelings then we can start to see where the problem is originating.  Then simply do the OPPOSITE.  I'm starting to feel anxious, so instead of going down that rabbit hole I'm going to stand still and breathe.  I'm telling myself that I'm not good enough and that I'll never be able to accomplish the task at hand, so it's time for a little self-love.  Tell yourself good things!  Imagine the absolute worst thing that can possibly happen, and then envision yourself standing through it all, strong and unharmed.  If you're starting to feel stagnant and depressed, get up and move, exercise.  Our minds are always seeking balance, even when we are unaware of it. We need to step aside and allow healing to happen.  I will leave you with this passage from the second chapter of the Tao Te Ching, while urging you to remember that we always have the power to restore balance to our own lives.
What's your first step?

"When people see things as beautiful,

ugliness is created.

When people see things as good,

evil is created.

Being and non-being produce each other.

Difficult and easy compliment each other.

Long and short define each other.

High and low oppose each other.

Fore and aft follow each other."

"Let's Talk About SEX!" with guest blogger Amanda Anderson

       I remember the first time my mom said we needed to "have a talk".  I was only about fourteen, and yet somehow I instinctively knew she meant we needed to talk about sex.  I could tell she was nervous...and that made ME nervous!  I had been reading her Cosmopolitan magazines for at least two years, so of course I thought I knew everything there was to know about sex!  I very quickly responded to my flushed mother that I didn't need to have that talk.  She only protested once and that was that!  No talk.  Ever!
       I knew my mom had sex- lots of it even, but I couldn't ever bring myself to ask her a single question.  I don't know that she could have helped me any, as I was a fast learner (lol) but I have made sure that three-letter word is a positive one in my house.  I have said the word "sex" around my three children hundreds of times, and for the most part, they barely bat an eye.  I've told them all that sex is a normal, healthy, important part of a persons life and it's important to know as much about it as you can BEFORE you ever try it.  I wasn't the type of parent who buried their head in the sand and assumed my kids wouldn't have sex until they were married.  I laugh heartily at that notion and shake my head at any parent who thinks that way.  I made sure my boys knew what sex would mean the first time they had it...not just for them, but for their partners, as well.  I told them they would have to work hard to make sex enjoyable for their female partners if they were sexually active at a young age.  I told them that was their duty as men.  Both of my boys came to me after they lost their virginity.  I know how old they were and to whom they lost it.  I feel good about that.
       Discussions about sex have been a little more difficult with my daughter.  She is a little more shy and reserved than her brothers, but I try, nonetheless.  I have told her as much as she will let me, and we have had discussions about safe sex numerous times.  My daughter knows it is her responsibility to respect her body and her life.  Supplying her brothers with condoms was a lot easier than making sure she is safe, but we have done it.  She knows how I feel about unplanned pregnancy (I don't believe there is such a thing this day and age), and she knows I am here for her if she ever wants or needs to talk.  I have given my daughter the tools she needs to be empowered and in control of her body.  I feel good about that, too.
         I have NEVER had an issue mentioning sex or talking about sex as an adult, and it always surprises me when I'm around people who do.  Recently I was speaking to my doctor and brought up something that had happened to us during sex, and I watched my grown husband blush!  I have tried to coax the reasons behind this out of him, but I truly believe that he doesn't know!  I spoke to my Spanish sister-in-law about this subject and she says Americans in general are more inhibited than Europeans.  Why is that, I wonder?  I'm sure it has to be passed along from generation to generation.  I am attempting to break that cycle in my family, at least!  And why shouldn't I?  Most people have a penis or vagina and a lot of people can't even say those words!  Most people will have sex at least once in their lifetime but have to whisper the word "sex"!  We have all of this in common but we can't talk about it.  We can remove that stigma!  Talk to your kids, regardless of how uncomfortable it makes you!  They deserve to claim ownership of their bodies and what will be their sexual lives, in my humble opinion.  Even if it is something small, empower yourself and those around you!
       -Amanda Anderson
What are your kids talking about?

"I am 44 years old and madly in love with my husband Greg and our blended family of 6 kids. Greg and I have successfully raised 5 kids into adulthood with one solitary girl left at home.  I semi-retired from the stressful automotive industry last year after a tough recovery from renal cancer, but I do work part time to keep my sanity!  I enjoy ANYTHING on the water and my husband and I spend every weekend we can on our boat.  Even when life is difficult I try to live my best life!"
-Amanda Anderson