"Let's Talk About SEX!" with guest blogger Amanda Anderson

       I remember the first time my mom said we needed to "have a talk".  I was only about fourteen, and yet somehow I instinctively knew she meant we needed to talk about sex.  I could tell she was nervous...and that made ME nervous!  I had been reading her Cosmopolitan magazines for at least two years, so of course I thought I knew everything there was to know about sex!  I very quickly responded to my flushed mother that I didn't need to have that talk.  She only protested once and that was that!  No talk.  Ever!
       I knew my mom had sex- lots of it even, but I couldn't ever bring myself to ask her a single question.  I don't know that she could have helped me any, as I was a fast learner (lol) but I have made sure that three-letter word is a positive one in my house.  I have said the word "sex" around my three children hundreds of times, and for the most part, they barely bat an eye.  I've told them all that sex is a normal, healthy, important part of a persons life and it's important to know as much about it as you can BEFORE you ever try it.  I wasn't the type of parent who buried their head in the sand and assumed my kids wouldn't have sex until they were married.  I laugh heartily at that notion and shake my head at any parent who thinks that way.  I made sure my boys knew what sex would mean the first time they had it...not just for them, but for their partners, as well.  I told them they would have to work hard to make sex enjoyable for their female partners if they were sexually active at a young age.  I told them that was their duty as men.  Both of my boys came to me after they lost their virginity.  I know how old they were and to whom they lost it.  I feel good about that.
       Discussions about sex have been a little more difficult with my daughter.  She is a little more shy and reserved than her brothers, but I try, nonetheless.  I have told her as much as she will let me, and we have had discussions about safe sex numerous times.  My daughter knows it is her responsibility to respect her body and her life.  Supplying her brothers with condoms was a lot easier than making sure she is safe, but we have done it.  She knows how I feel about unplanned pregnancy (I don't believe there is such a thing this day and age), and she knows I am here for her if she ever wants or needs to talk.  I have given my daughter the tools she needs to be empowered and in control of her body.  I feel good about that, too.
         I have NEVER had an issue mentioning sex or talking about sex as an adult, and it always surprises me when I'm around people who do.  Recently I was speaking to my doctor and brought up something that had happened to us during sex, and I watched my grown husband blush!  I have tried to coax the reasons behind this out of him, but I truly believe that he doesn't know!  I spoke to my Spanish sister-in-law about this subject and she says Americans in general are more inhibited than Europeans.  Why is that, I wonder?  I'm sure it has to be passed along from generation to generation.  I am attempting to break that cycle in my family, at least!  And why shouldn't I?  Most people have a penis or vagina and a lot of people can't even say those words!  Most people will have sex at least once in their lifetime but have to whisper the word "sex"!  We have all of this in common but we can't talk about it.  We can remove that stigma!  Talk to your kids, regardless of how uncomfortable it makes you!  They deserve to claim ownership of their bodies and what will be their sexual lives, in my humble opinion.  Even if it is something small, empower yourself and those around you!
       -Amanda Anderson
What are your kids talking about?

"I am 44 years old and madly in love with my husband Greg and our blended family of 6 kids. Greg and I have successfully raised 5 kids into adulthood with one solitary girl left at home.  I semi-retired from the stressful automotive industry last year after a tough recovery from renal cancer, but I do work part time to keep my sanity!  I enjoy ANYTHING on the water and my husband and I spend every weekend we can on our boat.  Even when life is difficult I try to live my best life!"
-Amanda Anderson

Screaming At Trees (Vishuddha)

       Does your chest ever feel so full that you might explode?  I sometimes find that I am full on the inside.  Full of swirling thoughts, anxieties, fears, insecurities, and anger.  These feelings can make it hard to get up and face the day, because it makes everything feel so big.  I'm unsure of myself; how can I face an entire planet full of people?  I followed my crawling toddler through a path in the woods today, and he led me into a clearing surrounded by trees.  The sun fell upon this circular clearing as if it were a spotlight on the stage of the earth.  I sat in the middle of the warm circle and sighed.  I needed to scream.  In fact, we all should have a good scream on the right regular.  The problem is that it feels silly at first.  Where do I go to scream where no one will hear me?  Because if they hear me then they'll look at me funny and then I'll feel stupid.  Who cares?!  Find a place!  Scream into your pillow, go out into the middle of the woods, stand at the edge of the roaring ocean, lock yourself in your car while you're speeding down the highway and just let it out!  A big issue that women face is not even knowing that they don't know how to voice themselves.  We have to find our voices!  Things happen to us and around us and we just keep it quiet like good little girls.  We never make a scene or air out our dirty laundry, just like we were taught.  When people ask us how we're doing we say, "fine," or "great, how about you?".  We don't really mean that shit.  What we actually want is to shout out every single thing that we've ever been upset about from the time we were born.  But we don't, so we struggle with social anxiety, dishonesty, stubbornness, untrustworthiness, verbal aggressiveness, lack of creativity, resentments, and fear of expressing our thoughts.  Maybe they really don't care how you feel, maybe if you speak your opinion they'll react negatively, but you have to get it out!  This week I want every woman to put their hands to their own throat and scream.  Scream loud, scream the way you used to when you were a little kid.  Feel silly?  Do it again!  And again, and again, and again until you feel strong!  Journal your feelings, laugh from your belly and say "thank you!" to the world.  Sing all of your favorite songs LOUDLY and without shame.  Even if no one around you appreciates your voice, I want you to know that I'm proud of you and I think that you're beautiful.  Drink water, imagine that all of your pain is being pushed into a tiny ball and throw that ball into the earth.  Surround yourself with the color blue, practice being assertive, and then spend time in silence.  After you get it all out, every little bit down to your toes, sit in silence and hear your thoughts.  Feel the relief in your body and the exhaustion of your consciousness.  Allow your inner voice to emerge and let it speak lovingly.  Speak your truth openly and freely, honor your own opinion, and allow your muscles to relax as your inner power strengthens you.  Imagine your young self between the ages of seven and twelve.  Whatever happened during this time that may have led you to feel unsafe, unheard, alone, and unimportant...let it go.  Forgive the people who gave you that feeling, and forgive yourself.  Cry when you want to cry, scream when you want to scream, and laugh when you want to laugh.  Give yourself the spiritual embrace that you deserve and be at peace.
What's your voice saying?

The Masked Mirror

       The time has come for me to draw back the curtain and allow the masses to stare upon the face of a masked woman. Some of my social media followers may be surprised to find that my profile pictures are not actually of "me".  A hooded woman walks a field through my Instagram account while a tattoo'd woman stands guard at my Facebook page.  These women are not "Jain", but they are me, and I am you.  I have made the conscious decision not to openly advertise my face, because it is not what makes me who I am.  How can an Indian woman look upon one picture of a white woman and think, "that is my sister", and how can an Asian woman look upon a figure of an African-American woman and say, "she is my kin"?  THEY SHOULD, but the sad truth is that we are all a little selfish.  We are only human, and we make instantaneous judgments before we truly know the other persons story, the part of them that makes them like us.  I choose to shed my physical form so that I can easily relate to ALL women.  I do not want you to look at me and see white or black, skinny or fat, tall or short, pretty or ugly.  I want you to look at me and see a reflection of yourself.  We are all one woman.  We bring all of our colors and shapes and originality to this safe space.  We will look out upon the crowd of women in this place and smile with pride at the diverse authenticity that is our earth.  We can all bow our heads and allow our tears to mingle into one salty pool because we know that a common evil has ravaged us all.  But we still stand tall with our sisters to help hold us up!  I want to deeply apologize to anyone who feels shocked at learning the familiar form on my profile is not the true semblance of my face.  I know that it is hard to trust in this world, and I understand.  My intent is never to trick or hide, but only ever to empower and make myself human so that we can connect on a deeper level.  I will leave you with this challenge: open your heart.  I challenge you to accept yourself exactly as you are.  I challenge you to love every woman in this community just as they are.  I challenge you to embrace your originality as we nourish your uniqueness.  Only by holding onto what makes us special can we converge into one unit of womankind.  Convergence is defined as the tendency of unrelated animals and plants to evolve similar characteristics under similar environmental conditions.  My hope is that by supporting each other and encouraging each of the women in our community that we can all become of one mind.  We will not see color or body shape, but we will BE ONE.  We will BE REFLECTIONS of more than just the pain that we have all stumbled through, we will be reflections of STRENGTH, PURITY, and LOVE.  WE ARE EVERY WOMAN.  I would like to openly invite every woman to send me a picture of themselves.  I would like to use these photos as my profile picture so that every person who needs validation and gives support has a chance to be featured as a representation of who we are.  I would prefer all pictures to be of you doing something that you love, but with the focus being on something other than your face. We are all human, we are all perfect through our imperfections, and we are all ONE.
Who's in your mirror?

Please send all pictures to jainravensun@gmail.com