"THE BREATH- The Ultimate Exercise" with guest blogger Meg Yandell

       This chapter has just been sitting here waiting for me to have some intelligent twist on how important it is, and all I can come up with is, "I don't know when I started holding my breath".  I don't breathe deeply, and everytime I am on the floor I realize that, in real life, I don't breathe any deeper than just below my shoulders and sometimes, if I am being honest, no deeper than my throat.  When did I start holding my breath?
       Imagine when we are born, and of course no one can remember, but can you imagine the first rush of air through your lungs as you are thrust into this world and you breathe that very first breath. Breathing so that air was pushed all the way down into your toes, breathing so that every cell in your body was filled with life and waking up, and breathing yourself into becoming a part of this world or this existence.  Breathing yourself into humanity.  Breathing yourself into being.  Can you imagine the rush of all that is, filling your lungs with air to the deepest part and then screaming it back out over and over until all of you is as alive as you will ever be.  The first triumphant announcement that you  make to the universe that you have arrived.  A new soul  has been manifested in human form.  A new star is in the heavens.  New potential on the horizon.  God is here.
       I have said many times when witnessing a child screaming at the top of its lungs in a store or restaurant in public, that it wants something, that I wish that I could do that.  Just kick and scream and demand that I want... but at some point we are either punished for the action, or shamed out of it and the deep screaming that comes with, "I am here!" and, "I want!", is slowed down to, "Would it be alright if I did this?", or, "Would I be bothering you if I voiced this?".  Breathing shallowly could only be an indication that at some point you were trying to be quiet, trying to hide, trying not to be bothered or to be a bother, trying not to be heard.  In essence trying to hide your light.  Very far cry from, "I AM HERE, I AM ALIVE,  and I WANT."
       All that said, and still the chapter seems an insurmountable task to write about, but it is the most important part of being alive, breathing in your life, breathing in joy, breathing in the wonder of it all. Breathing in health and acceptance, breathing in memories, breathing in and past heartbreak, breathing in loss, breathing in all that life has to offer, without holding the breath back.  Screaming that I have a purpose.  Small things like that.
       There have been times with me that the most important thing was getting on the floor and remembering to breathe the breath of  being alive, the down to your toes breath, the fill up  your cells breath.  Even if the world takes your breath away everyday, you can come to that quiet place and get your breath back.  Take a while to remember being empowered to your toes and "catch your breath".
       It all seemed to start with the breath, just to quiet down.  Deep breath.  Laying on the floor feeling my body, once again, deep breath.  Doing a scan of where everything lays on the floor, deep breath.  Then all is quiet and just breathe.  I like to remember that when the breath stops so do I.  If I have tried to be small in my life my breathing has been small.  If I have been big I have been screaming big breath.
       I was on the floor this morning and began just watching the breath going in and out of my body.  I noted where it stopped.  You know, the normal breath.  I then took it further.  This is where once again intention and imagination will come in.  Let yourself take your breath in and out of your lungs.  Fill your lungs to full capacity.  Breathe in your chest.  Breathe in your stomach.  Allow the oxygen in your breath to breathe into your blood stream, be with the oxygen as it carries this breath to your toes, to your legs, to all your extremities.  Experiment with the breath running in all directions of your body.  Hear the rush of your breath and hear the familiar sound of the ocean and waves running up and down your spine.  In my ears the breath sounds just like being in the ocean.  I try to find that wave of breath that goes all the way from the top of my head, down my spine, vertebrae by vertebrae, and then out my coccyx bone to the world and then bring the breath back up from my coccyx, vertebrae by vertebrae, back to my head.  Watching the breath as it goes up and down.  Losing yourself in this ocean that is you.
       Being with the breath is being with your first relationship with this planet.  You came here and you breathed in, when you leave you will leave with the breathing out.  There will be many breaths in your life, the universe willing.  You will hold it, catch it, lose it, and let people take it, but the most exciting thing you will do is look at it.  It is there and it is life and when it stops, so will you.  Christian tradition says that God breathed and life started.  So it is with us, we breathe.  Take your time to look at this wonder.  I believe it is life itself.
       - Meg Yandell
How deeply are you breathing in life?

This excerpt from the upcoming book "Lavender Snow", written by Meg Yandell, explains the art of slowing down to "just be" and the quiet within yourself it takes to do so.  Meg is a Reiki Master and a bass guitarist, but mostly she's just a woman enjoying the experience of life and all it has to give.

Screaming At Trees (Vishuddha)

       Does your chest ever feel so full that you might explode?  I sometimes find that I am full on the inside.  Full of swirling thoughts, anxieties, fears, insecurities, and anger.  These feelings can make it hard to get up and face the day, because it makes everything feel so big.  I'm unsure of myself; how can I face an entire planet full of people?  I followed my crawling toddler through a path in the woods today, and he led me into a clearing surrounded by trees.  The sun fell upon this circular clearing as if it were a spotlight on the stage of the earth.  I sat in the middle of the warm circle and sighed.  I needed to scream.  In fact, we all should have a good scream on the right regular.  The problem is that it feels silly at first.  Where do I go to scream where no one will hear me?  Because if they hear me then they'll look at me funny and then I'll feel stupid.  Who cares?!  Find a place!  Scream into your pillow, go out into the middle of the woods, stand at the edge of the roaring ocean, lock yourself in your car while you're speeding down the highway and just let it out!  A big issue that women face is not even knowing that they don't know how to voice themselves.  We have to find our voices!  Things happen to us and around us and we just keep it quiet like good little girls.  We never make a scene or air out our dirty laundry, just like we were taught.  When people ask us how we're doing we say, "fine," or "great, how about you?".  We don't really mean that shit.  What we actually want is to shout out every single thing that we've ever been upset about from the time we were born.  But we don't, so we struggle with social anxiety, dishonesty, stubbornness, untrustworthiness, verbal aggressiveness, lack of creativity, resentments, and fear of expressing our thoughts.  Maybe they really don't care how you feel, maybe if you speak your opinion they'll react negatively, but you have to get it out!  This week I want every woman to put their hands to their own throat and scream.  Scream loud, scream the way you used to when you were a little kid.  Feel silly?  Do it again!  And again, and again, and again until you feel strong!  Journal your feelings, laugh from your belly and say "thank you!" to the world.  Sing all of your favorite songs LOUDLY and without shame.  Even if no one around you appreciates your voice, I want you to know that I'm proud of you and I think that you're beautiful.  Drink water, imagine that all of your pain is being pushed into a tiny ball and throw that ball into the earth.  Surround yourself with the color blue, practice being assertive, and then spend time in silence.  After you get it all out, every little bit down to your toes, sit in silence and hear your thoughts.  Feel the relief in your body and the exhaustion of your consciousness.  Allow your inner voice to emerge and let it speak lovingly.  Speak your truth openly and freely, honor your own opinion, and allow your muscles to relax as your inner power strengthens you.  Imagine your young self between the ages of seven and twelve.  Whatever happened during this time that may have led you to feel unsafe, unheard, alone, and unimportant...let it go.  Forgive the people who gave you that feeling, and forgive yourself.  Cry when you want to cry, scream when you want to scream, and laugh when you want to laugh.  Give yourself the spiritual embrace that you deserve and be at peace.
What's your voice saying?

Ergo Ego

       The strangest thing happened to me yesterday.  Someone told me, "No"!  I asked this person for their help with a project that I thought would greatly benefit us both, and she flat out told me no.  No explanation, no reason; she didn't even hear the whole proposal!  Of course my first reaction was to try to convince her as to why she SHOULD want to do what I wanted her to do, and then I spent the afternoon re-reading my text messages to her and trying to figure out what I had said to make her not want to help.  My head ran wild for hours, "She doesn't like me.  She's a bitch.  She doesn't know what she's missing.  What did I do wrong?  WHY didn't she think my idea was wonderful?"  I had been on a high of yeses, but as soon as I heard the word no for the first time that week my entire day just fell apart.  I began to doubt everything that I was doing and wondered if I just really sucked in general but people were afraid to tell me so.  Later that afternoon I sat outside as the sun went down and just let the whole range of emotions wash over my brain.  I let myself feel angry, I allowed the rejection to hurt me a little, and then I suddenly realized what was REALLY wrong.  My EGO was injured!  You know what?  She is allowed to say no.  We are all allowed to say no.  She owes me nothing in order for her to refuse me, and I commend her honesty.
       The problem is that I'M the one who is afraid to say no.  From the time we are born we are told what to do and where to go and what to think, to the point where its almost like our own opinions and thoughts and wants aren't considered just because we're little.  As we grow, if our ideas aren't encouraged or validated, we learn to simply obey orders and if we don't want to do something then we feel guilty about it.  I think this is amplified greatly in abuse victims, sexually abused or otherwise, because there is a power there that was snatched away.  Someone along the line showed us that our opinions didn't matter.  Someone once revealed to us that our no's didn't really have any meaning or value.  And when our no's no longer have meaning then we lose a power within ourselves.  Long, long ago I lost that power, and I've been trying to find it again with every part of my beating little heart.  I'm going to practice saying no today.  And tomorrow.  And the day after that.  If there is something that I am uncomfortable with or simply don't want to do then I'M NOT GOING TO DO IT!  Isn't that a free feeling?  I won't allow myself to feel guilty for standing up for my wants and desires.  If I don't voice them then no one will ever know!  If I don't reclaim my power then who will that authority belong to?  I am my own person.  I have ideas, good ideas.  I will not feel small for having them, and I will not make other women feel small for having their own.  We are all of the same sex and we must stand up for each other.  Girl, say no!  Say it loud!  YOU DON'T NEED A REASON.
What's your ego saying?