Confession- Step 5

       Confession, relating to the sacrament of penance and the energy of the fifth chakra, is the call to action in the fifth step of our healing pilgrimage.  This step asks that we admit to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.  Telling on ourselves is never easy, but as we look closer at the order of this step we can learn to honor it, and so honor ourselves.  When we have harmed someone we should first admit to our higher power that we were wrong.  This helps us to have a change of heart, a moment of reflection to look at what we've done and make the decision to make it right.  This is so important because we have to make the DECISION and set our INTENTION in a place of reconciliation before any further healing can begin.  Often I hear people go ahead and apologize to another person who is angry with them without meditating on it first, and it often comes off as a half-hearted attempt to simply pacify the angry person.  In order to make a true heart-felt apology we need to take the time to actually realize HOW and WHY we were wrong and practice the atonement process with our higher power.
       After we ruminate on our actions, then we move on to admitting to ourselves what we did.  This is my favorite part of this step, because after beating myself up for days or weeks or years over mistakes that I've made, I get to suddenly realize that I CAN FORGIVE MYSELF!  My God forgives as instantly as I do wrong, but I'm the one who really needs the convincing to forgive myself for my wrong doing, and once that's done everything else looks a little easier and brighter.  The final part of this step is admitting to someone else what I did wrong, which is really the hard part.  We don't necessarily have to confront the person that we've harmed yet, but we should tell a friend or sponsor about the harmful thing we did, if only to get the situation out of the mental realm and into the physical field where we can see it a little more clearly.  I often will talk to my partner about how I'm feeling and admit my guilt to him first, then bring myself to the person who I feel I hurt.  This is the part that makes my heart beat faster and my palms feel hot with anticipation, but the longer I wait to talk to the person I harmed after I've made the conscious decision that I need to, then the heavier the weight upon my chest feels about the prospect.  The important thing for me to remember about this is that I'm not asking them for forgiveness; I've already been forgiven by God and myself.  What I'm doing is simply telling them that I was wrong, that I shouldn't have done or said what I did, and in so doing I am releasing negativity within myself and calling a piece of my soul back to me as I finish that business.  The other person can choose to forgive me at that point or to continue to hold a grudge, that is only their choice, and one that affects their health alone.
       It isn't easy telling people that we were wrong, but it is such an important step to take towards the maturity of our souls.  The Vishuddha energy center located in our throats directly relates to communication and the will.  It seems defeating to give up control and let our pride fall away, but I've learned that there is nothing on this earth more freeing than setting down my burdens and opening the baggage.  We've carried that load for so long that it seems a part of who we are, almost to the point where we don't always remember the stink and weight of what we're carrying.  But once we stop, throw down our bags, open the top and let it all out everything changes.  It seems messy at first, maybe even scary, but once we look it in the eye and let it go we can keep walking without that weight dragging us down.  Shamanic societies believe in "soul retrieval", or recovering the pieces of ourselves to make us whole and heal from within.  They teach us that whenever we suffer an emotional or physical trauma that a piece of our soul fragments to flee the pain.  Likewise, whenever we do harm we leave a piece of ourselves within the spiritual realm of unfinished business.  Admission, confession, declaration brings about revelation, mending, and the much longed for transformation.
What will you confess to yourself?

"Once you forgive yourself, the self-rejection in your mind is over. Self-acceptance begins, and the self-love will grow so strong that you will finally accept yourself just the way you are. That's the beginning of the free human. Forgiveness is the key."   
-Don Miguel Ruiz

     

"THE BREATH- The Ultimate Exercise" with guest blogger Meg Yandell

       This chapter has just been sitting here waiting for me to have some intelligent twist on how important it is, and all I can come up with is, "I don't know when I started holding my breath".  I don't breathe deeply, and everytime I am on the floor I realize that, in real life, I don't breathe any deeper than just below my shoulders and sometimes, if I am being honest, no deeper than my throat.  When did I start holding my breath?
       Imagine when we are born, and of course no one can remember, but can you imagine the first rush of air through your lungs as you are thrust into this world and you breathe that very first breath. Breathing so that air was pushed all the way down into your toes, breathing so that every cell in your body was filled with life and waking up, and breathing yourself into becoming a part of this world or this existence.  Breathing yourself into humanity.  Breathing yourself into being.  Can you imagine the rush of all that is, filling your lungs with air to the deepest part and then screaming it back out over and over until all of you is as alive as you will ever be.  The first triumphant announcement that you  make to the universe that you have arrived.  A new soul  has been manifested in human form.  A new star is in the heavens.  New potential on the horizon.  God is here.
       I have said many times when witnessing a child screaming at the top of its lungs in a store or restaurant in public, that it wants something, that I wish that I could do that.  Just kick and scream and demand that I want... but at some point we are either punished for the action, or shamed out of it and the deep screaming that comes with, "I am here!" and, "I want!", is slowed down to, "Would it be alright if I did this?", or, "Would I be bothering you if I voiced this?".  Breathing shallowly could only be an indication that at some point you were trying to be quiet, trying to hide, trying not to be bothered or to be a bother, trying not to be heard.  In essence trying to hide your light.  Very far cry from, "I AM HERE, I AM ALIVE,  and I WANT."
       All that said, and still the chapter seems an insurmountable task to write about, but it is the most important part of being alive, breathing in your life, breathing in joy, breathing in the wonder of it all. Breathing in health and acceptance, breathing in memories, breathing in and past heartbreak, breathing in loss, breathing in all that life has to offer, without holding the breath back.  Screaming that I have a purpose.  Small things like that.
       There have been times with me that the most important thing was getting on the floor and remembering to breathe the breath of  being alive, the down to your toes breath, the fill up  your cells breath.  Even if the world takes your breath away everyday, you can come to that quiet place and get your breath back.  Take a while to remember being empowered to your toes and "catch your breath".
       It all seemed to start with the breath, just to quiet down.  Deep breath.  Laying on the floor feeling my body, once again, deep breath.  Doing a scan of where everything lays on the floor, deep breath.  Then all is quiet and just breathe.  I like to remember that when the breath stops so do I.  If I have tried to be small in my life my breathing has been small.  If I have been big I have been screaming big breath.
       I was on the floor this morning and began just watching the breath going in and out of my body.  I noted where it stopped.  You know, the normal breath.  I then took it further.  This is where once again intention and imagination will come in.  Let yourself take your breath in and out of your lungs.  Fill your lungs to full capacity.  Breathe in your chest.  Breathe in your stomach.  Allow the oxygen in your breath to breathe into your blood stream, be with the oxygen as it carries this breath to your toes, to your legs, to all your extremities.  Experiment with the breath running in all directions of your body.  Hear the rush of your breath and hear the familiar sound of the ocean and waves running up and down your spine.  In my ears the breath sounds just like being in the ocean.  I try to find that wave of breath that goes all the way from the top of my head, down my spine, vertebrae by vertebrae, and then out my coccyx bone to the world and then bring the breath back up from my coccyx, vertebrae by vertebrae, back to my head.  Watching the breath as it goes up and down.  Losing yourself in this ocean that is you.
       Being with the breath is being with your first relationship with this planet.  You came here and you breathed in, when you leave you will leave with the breathing out.  There will be many breaths in your life, the universe willing.  You will hold it, catch it, lose it, and let people take it, but the most exciting thing you will do is look at it.  It is there and it is life and when it stops, so will you.  Christian tradition says that God breathed and life started.  So it is with us, we breathe.  Take your time to look at this wonder.  I believe it is life itself.
       - Meg Yandell
How deeply are you breathing in life?

This excerpt from the upcoming book "Lavender Snow", written by Meg Yandell, explains the art of slowing down to "just be" and the quiet within yourself it takes to do so.  Meg is a Reiki Master and a bass guitarist, but mostly she's just a woman enjoying the experience of life and all it has to give.