Extinguished - Step 6

       There has always been a fire in us, one that burns with a rage and a temper of wild proportions.  We hold this flame deep inside of ourselves where it can't be seen unless we allow it to be seen.  It is a damaging and destructive blaze that we let loose when we feel that we need protection.  Hurt and pain loosen the reins of our fingers from around this light, allowing it to burn brightly and scorch the ground that it feeds upon.  Unchecked this fire will sear the people around us and blow out of control of even ourselves, its master.  Once we've let the flame burn uncontrollably for any amount of time it is nearly impossible to catch this rebellious flare and temper it back down to that small glow that once sat beneath the surface.  That is where the sixth step comes into play:  “We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.”  We've already recognized that we are powerless over our pain or addiction and taken steps to allow healing into our lives through faith and admission.  We've looked at our lives and accepted that we need to change things, but the thing that we often don't think we need to change is our emotional patterns.  We know that if we're alcoholics that we should stop drinking and if we're addicts then we should stop doing drugs, but we never actually heal (and eventually relapse) if we don't change our life habits.  At this point we already recognize the behavior that harmed ourselves and our friends and family when we acted upon our character defects, but even when we're sober and withholding self-harm we still act on these habits, unless we rip those thoughts and patterns right out of our lives.  Change never happens overnight, it takes practice and new conditioning, hard work and conscious effort.  But what I think we should focus on the most during this sensitive time in our lives is the word "ready".  I am "ready" to change, "ready" to heal my life, "ready" to make amends with the people that I love, "ready" to forgive myself, "ready" to be a better person than I was yesterday.  You can't start a race until you're ready to begin, and you can't accept instruction unless you're ready to learn.  YOU CAN'T HEAL UNLESS YOU'RE READY TO LET GO OF YOUR PAIN.  Nothing in life will ever change unless we are ready for it to change.  It's about making a commitment, a pledge, a promise to ourselves and being patient with ourselves.  It's about being discontent with how we've managed our lives so far, but knowing that we can and will be better as we align ourselves into a place of humble love.  Being "ready" opens us up to prepare and make ourselves available for divine guidance as we aim for the very best of all we can learn and someday be.  Once we are "ready" we have set ourselves into a spiritual state of mind that sets the ground work for the higher power of our understanding to remove from our lives and minds that which is unhealthy and unhelpful for us and our lives.  We are aware of our character defects, tired of them and the pain they're causing, and we become confident in our future path.  We no longer rationalize and make excuses for the hurt that we once caused our family and friends, we no longer blame others for the current condition of our souls.  We are taking responsibility for the consequences of our actions and allowing our disorderly flame to be extinguished by the breath of renewal, forgiveness, and love.  We all have a light inside of us that shines forth to bring beauty and guidance into the world, a glow that will never go out because it shines from the depth of our souls.  The flame that we were unsuccessfully tempering was the fire lit by the chaos of the world, the darkness of the spirit, and the pain of contempt.  When we are ready to extinguish the flame of disdain then we will find that we can peacefully shine brighter than any blaze on the face of the earth.   
What's feeding your fire?

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become."
-Charles DuBois