Confession- Step 5

       Confession, relating to the sacrament of penance and the energy of the fifth chakra, is the call to action in the fifth step of our healing pilgrimage.  This step asks that we admit to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.  Telling on ourselves is never easy, but as we look closer at the order of this step we can learn to honor it, and so honor ourselves.  When we have harmed someone we should first admit to our higher power that we were wrong.  This helps us to have a change of heart, a moment of reflection to look at what we've done and make the decision to make it right.  This is so important because we have to make the DECISION and set our INTENTION in a place of reconciliation before any further healing can begin.  Often I hear people go ahead and apologize to another person who is angry with them without meditating on it first, and it often comes off as a half-hearted attempt to simply pacify the angry person.  In order to make a true heart-felt apology we need to take the time to actually realize HOW and WHY we were wrong and practice the atonement process with our higher power.
       After we ruminate on our actions, then we move on to admitting to ourselves what we did.  This is my favorite part of this step, because after beating myself up for days or weeks or years over mistakes that I've made, I get to suddenly realize that I CAN FORGIVE MYSELF!  My God forgives as instantly as I do wrong, but I'm the one who really needs the convincing to forgive myself for my wrong doing, and once that's done everything else looks a little easier and brighter.  The final part of this step is admitting to someone else what I did wrong, which is really the hard part.  We don't necessarily have to confront the person that we've harmed yet, but we should tell a friend or sponsor about the harmful thing we did, if only to get the situation out of the mental realm and into the physical field where we can see it a little more clearly.  I often will talk to my partner about how I'm feeling and admit my guilt to him first, then bring myself to the person who I feel I hurt.  This is the part that makes my heart beat faster and my palms feel hot with anticipation, but the longer I wait to talk to the person I harmed after I've made the conscious decision that I need to, then the heavier the weight upon my chest feels about the prospect.  The important thing for me to remember about this is that I'm not asking them for forgiveness; I've already been forgiven by God and myself.  What I'm doing is simply telling them that I was wrong, that I shouldn't have done or said what I did, and in so doing I am releasing negativity within myself and calling a piece of my soul back to me as I finish that business.  The other person can choose to forgive me at that point or to continue to hold a grudge, that is only their choice, and one that affects their health alone.
       It isn't easy telling people that we were wrong, but it is such an important step to take towards the maturity of our souls.  The Vishuddha energy center located in our throats directly relates to communication and the will.  It seems defeating to give up control and let our pride fall away, but I've learned that there is nothing on this earth more freeing than setting down my burdens and opening the baggage.  We've carried that load for so long that it seems a part of who we are, almost to the point where we don't always remember the stink and weight of what we're carrying.  But once we stop, throw down our bags, open the top and let it all out everything changes.  It seems messy at first, maybe even scary, but once we look it in the eye and let it go we can keep walking without that weight dragging us down.  Shamanic societies believe in "soul retrieval", or recovering the pieces of ourselves to make us whole and heal from within.  They teach us that whenever we suffer an emotional or physical trauma that a piece of our soul fragments to flee the pain.  Likewise, whenever we do harm we leave a piece of ourselves within the spiritual realm of unfinished business.  Admission, confession, declaration brings about revelation, mending, and the much longed for transformation.
What will you confess to yourself?

"Once you forgive yourself, the self-rejection in your mind is over. Self-acceptance begins, and the self-love will grow so strong that you will finally accept yourself just the way you are. That's the beginning of the free human. Forgiveness is the key."   
-Don Miguel Ruiz

     

The Wounded Child (Anahata)

       "Fear is the heart of love," I swayed as she sang along to her husband strumming his guitar, "so I never went back..." a sad line to croon, but later that day I thought it to be true.  An argument between my own partner and I led to a hurtful exchange of words that left me sitting with a deep pain in my chest.  I quietly realized that the pain was wrenching in the area of my heart as I thought about the words that hurt me, but as I turned everything over in my brain I noticed that the pain began to move.  My segmented thoughts grew into sentences and unspoken retaliations that pushed the pain up into my throat.  I felt choked on the words that I wasn't speaking, and the more I suppressed my distress the more resentment seemed to build.  As the animosity grew and settled, the pain slowly fell into my bellybutton where my energy is affected by my relationships.  Of course my husband and I worked things out within minutes, but I felt that I suddenly understood myself a little better because of this interchange.  Our thoughts, words, and actions (or lack thereof) can either empower us or suck the life energy straight from our bodies.  Why did I continue negative thought patterns and self-harming belief systems?  Fear.  Jealousy, bitterness, anger, hatred, and the inability to forgive grow directly out of anxiety, crippling our hearts to its true purpose in the divine intention of our lives.  Lucky for us that love, compassion, confidence, hope, forgiveness, dedication, inspiration, trust, and the ability to heal can pour forth from our hearts to endlessly nurture our life force.
       The heart is the energy center that separates the physical from the spiritual.  The lower three chakras are based in physical, emotional, and mental aspects of the somatic realm, whereas the higher three chakras are based in the spiritual realm.  The heart is the transforming agent between the higher and lower worlds- isn't that beautiful?  In order for the spiritual to become physical it must pass through the heart, and in order for the physical to become spiritual the heart must transform it.  Love is the power of the divine.  Love goes beyond the sacrament of marriage, it is the internal union of the self and the soul, the true motivator of the human body and spirit.  Unconditional love, love in its purest form, is what gives us the ability to forgive others, ourselves, and fuel inner peace as we release the need to evoke justice and trust in the divine plan.  To embrace our pure power we must have the courage to listen to our hearts emotional messages and inner instructions.  The "wounded child" is what Caroline Myss calls the damaged emotional patterns, negative attitudes, dysfunctional self-images, and painful memories that develop within us during our childhoods.  She believes that a child who fears abandonment can become a jealous adult, a sexually abused minor can grow into a sexually dysfunctional grown-up, and a negative self-image can turn a healthy person into an alcoholic, bulimic, or anorexic.  Loving ourselves means letting go of that wounded child's authority over us and rocking our emotions until the tears stop flowing.  Someone who was abused many years ago can hurt themselves even more by reliving that abuse in their own minds every day of their lives until they are crippled from the pain of the memory.  Self-love means forgiving others, because our wounds don't hurt the people who hurt us, they only hurt us.  Our wounded child sees the world as working in a reward/punishment system, but a fully functioning Anahata moves past needing explanations and views life through fulfilling consciousness, not fear.  The word Anahata translates from Sanskrit as "UNHURT", the spiritual place where past experiences and grievances cannot harm us.  I will be fully open to giving and receiving love.  I will instantly forgive, not only others, but myself as well.  I love myself unconditionally.  I love others unconditionally.  Love is my guiding truth, my hearts desire, and my joy.  I will live gratefully, because it is safe for me to love and be loved.  I will have unconditional compassion for myself and others as I free myself from past hurts.  For "we will all have experiences meant to 'break our hearts'- not in half but wide open."
Is your wounded child still crying?

Music by Mary and Martin Callozzo

What No One Tells You About Yourself

You are beautiful

You are good

You are prolific

You are kind

You are smart

You are wise

You are powerful

You can do this

You are strong

Your scars are inspiring stories

Your tears are lovely legacies

Your body is without flaw

You are perfectly you

We are all gems in the crown of the goddess

The moon reflects your inner love

The sun shines just to look upon your face

The grass rises to meet your gentle feet

Because there is no one else like you

You feel because you are connected to me

I smile because I am connected to you

You hurt because your heart carries more love than your human mind can conceive

I laugh because I know your walls don't protect you, they just keep you in

You can come out

It's okay to step out into the unknown

Hold your head high while you bare your chest

Let the world see you

The real you

Because the real you is more than enough

You are perfect

I will stand with you

You are everything

And everything is you

Don't forget that you have wings my dear

Remember that you already possess within you the very magic you long for

You are an irresistible and eloquent force unto yourself

You are imperative, filled with essential might

You are unrivaled

You are the unbroken product of the Creator

You are Woman

"To dream of the person you would like to be is to waste the person that you are."
- Sholem Asch