Confession- Step 5

       Confession, relating to the sacrament of penance and the energy of the fifth chakra, is the call to action in the fifth step of our healing pilgrimage.  This step asks that we admit to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.  Telling on ourselves is never easy, but as we look closer at the order of this step we can learn to honor it, and so honor ourselves.  When we have harmed someone we should first admit to our higher power that we were wrong.  This helps us to have a change of heart, a moment of reflection to look at what we've done and make the decision to make it right.  This is so important because we have to make the DECISION and set our INTENTION in a place of reconciliation before any further healing can begin.  Often I hear people go ahead and apologize to another person who is angry with them without meditating on it first, and it often comes off as a half-hearted attempt to simply pacify the angry person.  In order to make a true heart-felt apology we need to take the time to actually realize HOW and WHY we were wrong and practice the atonement process with our higher power.
       After we ruminate on our actions, then we move on to admitting to ourselves what we did.  This is my favorite part of this step, because after beating myself up for days or weeks or years over mistakes that I've made, I get to suddenly realize that I CAN FORGIVE MYSELF!  My God forgives as instantly as I do wrong, but I'm the one who really needs the convincing to forgive myself for my wrong doing, and once that's done everything else looks a little easier and brighter.  The final part of this step is admitting to someone else what I did wrong, which is really the hard part.  We don't necessarily have to confront the person that we've harmed yet, but we should tell a friend or sponsor about the harmful thing we did, if only to get the situation out of the mental realm and into the physical field where we can see it a little more clearly.  I often will talk to my partner about how I'm feeling and admit my guilt to him first, then bring myself to the person who I feel I hurt.  This is the part that makes my heart beat faster and my palms feel hot with anticipation, but the longer I wait to talk to the person I harmed after I've made the conscious decision that I need to, then the heavier the weight upon my chest feels about the prospect.  The important thing for me to remember about this is that I'm not asking them for forgiveness; I've already been forgiven by God and myself.  What I'm doing is simply telling them that I was wrong, that I shouldn't have done or said what I did, and in so doing I am releasing negativity within myself and calling a piece of my soul back to me as I finish that business.  The other person can choose to forgive me at that point or to continue to hold a grudge, that is only their choice, and one that affects their health alone.
       It isn't easy telling people that we were wrong, but it is such an important step to take towards the maturity of our souls.  The Vishuddha energy center located in our throats directly relates to communication and the will.  It seems defeating to give up control and let our pride fall away, but I've learned that there is nothing on this earth more freeing than setting down my burdens and opening the baggage.  We've carried that load for so long that it seems a part of who we are, almost to the point where we don't always remember the stink and weight of what we're carrying.  But once we stop, throw down our bags, open the top and let it all out everything changes.  It seems messy at first, maybe even scary, but once we look it in the eye and let it go we can keep walking without that weight dragging us down.  Shamanic societies believe in "soul retrieval", or recovering the pieces of ourselves to make us whole and heal from within.  They teach us that whenever we suffer an emotional or physical trauma that a piece of our soul fragments to flee the pain.  Likewise, whenever we do harm we leave a piece of ourselves within the spiritual realm of unfinished business.  Admission, confession, declaration brings about revelation, mending, and the much longed for transformation.
What will you confess to yourself?

"Once you forgive yourself, the self-rejection in your mind is over. Self-acceptance begins, and the self-love will grow so strong that you will finally accept yourself just the way you are. That's the beginning of the free human. Forgiveness is the key."   
-Don Miguel Ruiz