Why I'm Never Enough

       Who would I be without that thought?  Could I be happy?  Could I be at peace?  I lay in the sunshine while the baby naps.  I have nothing that needs to be done at that moment, nowhere to be.  The dogs play while the cats roam the yard.  Birds splash in puddles of water and ants crawl from dirt grain to blade of grass.  I look down at my basking body and think to myself, "My thighs are getting fat.  I gained two pounds this week.  My stretch marks look very blue today, I wonder if they'll ever fade.  I need to shave and my hair is getting oily."  My thoughts cause my eyes to wander further up my body as I begin to critique the form of my tummy and the size of my breasts.  My chest tightens as tears well up behind my lashes.  I look to my husband across the yard, who has been peacefully raking dog poop with no complaint, and ask him if he'll always love me.  He looks up, surprised at my random question, and answers, "I hope so."  That was not the exact answer that I thought I needed at that moment, but I listened as he went on.  "You're my best friend, I hope we always have each other."  Suddenly, I realized:  I'm not good enough.  I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH BECAUSE I DON'T LET MYSELF BE.  My husband obviously wanted me more than any other woman on earth because he married ME.  I allow myself to become jealous of other women because I think that, in some way, they must be better than me.  But they're not!  We are ALL made special and unique and beautiful!  I sometimes resent the girl who can sing so beautifully while people praise her talent.  But my baby adores when I sing him his lullabies, and he has never looked up from his crib and said, "Meh.  I think I'd like that other lady to come sing."  He only wants ME.  Life suddenly becomes light when I stop thinking about all of the things that I'm not and simply allow myself to be who I AM.  The people who truly love me don't ever look at me and see knobby knees and long toes.  Those may be some of my physical features, but people who love me look at me and just see ME.  I am more than the sum of my parts.  All of my imperfections make me absolutely perfect!  I AM beautiful.  I AM enough!  I AM powerful!  I will chant that mantra over and over, louder and louder, until I feel brave and big enough to step out and face my day.  Because the ONLY one who actually knows me and still thinks that I'm not good enough is ME.
What's holding you back?