The Mystical Wild Woman

       We are a group of people held together by the rope of a common bond, whether it be because we were once trauma victims, addicts, self-harmers, or like minded souls in the pursuit of gender equality.  Regardless of what brought us here to heal, we ARE healing.  In the natural process of healing a wound we have to rip it open, feel the pain, cry it out, forgive, make amends, etc.  But I recently heard about a conversation between Byron Katie and a sexual assault victim that hit me deep in the gut.  Knowing that someone was raped in the past Katie asked, "How many times have you been raped?"  The woman answered that she had been raped once, to which Katie replied, "NO!  Every time you relive that moment in your mind it's happening over and over again."  Our pain is real and valid, but there is no helpful or loving reason to hold onto those thoughts forever.  The time has come to realize that our once upon a time happenstance is not our current circumstance.  Our past is not our present.  What we have been in our minds is not who we are!  We deserve so much more than what we give ourselves sometimes.  Is it possible that we can be exponentially greater than we are allowing ourselves to be because we are still mentally and emotionally living in our past traumas?  My wish is that, through the process of healing, I can be a better person than I ever was before.  I can be strong, brave, beautiful, wise, fulfilled, and magical.  I can accomplish anything that I dream, be anyone I can create, and inspire a fire with a spark of hope and love.

Colette Baron-Reid

 "This is the symbol of the mythmaker and story teller who is neither made of nor defined by the story.  Instead he observes it, evolves through it, perceives all aspects of it.  In so doing, the Mystical Shaman represents the ability to dream a new story, a new myth, into being...He reminds us to be in the world and travel through it, but not to be defined by it or become too attached to the experience."  "You are called to create and dream your life, to act on inspiration and divine impulse without fixating on a known story of success or achievement...Who would you become if you stopped telling the tales that have defined you up until now?  You do not have to live in a story that has roots in the past.  What if there were no need to explain you to anyone, not even to yourself?  The way to your most extraordinary life is to become a blank slate and allow the form of your dreams and desires to show up, as it will."

       Once my inner healing has begun I feel the desire to help others reach this green pasture of peace, but the reality is that WE ARE ALL RESPONSIBLE FOR OWN OWN HEALING.  When we seek relief we will only be given what we are open to receiving.  Sometimes our minds needs to grow more before a full healing is possible, and sometimes we may subconsciously not want to be healed.  What would be left to hide beneath?  We become comfortable wading in our black hole of grief, wearing it around our shoulders to comfort what's within.  We know that we want to feel better, but we have to be ready and willing to take the steps it requires to get there.  A journey is only as long as the travelers trek.  We don't fly until we've learned to crawl, walk, run, jump, and swim first.  Once we shed the heavy skin of victims blisters we will see the soft and tender flesh beneath.  If we can let go of what we have anchored ourselves to and cried over for so many years and take a brave step forward then the real work towards becoming who we were put on this earth to be can truly begin.  We were born for a purpose, with a gift, individual and beautiful to share with the world.  We are all birthed to attain two objectives: a personal lesson to learn during this lifetime and then also a world goal to accomplish using the reach of our inherent skills.  I think that for a lot of us overcoming abuse or addiction IS the lesson that we were meant to learn.  Oh, how much have we learned!  We've mastered pain, hopelessness, powerlessness, rejection, loss, solace, aspiration, control, acceptance, and triumph.  Now we must find our magic and share it with the world.  There is a glitter about you that can be showered upon the heads of the broken, a fire within that can warm the hands and hearts of those who don't yet know that there's even hope for them.  We listen to our desires, trust our intuition, and dance in the joy and madness that is freedom from the burden of being who others ineffectively tried to make us become.       

Colette Baron-Reid

"When Wild woman dances in..., she reminds you of the essence of authenticity and freedom.  Divested of all social constraint and cultural conformity, the Wild Woman holds up a mirror to your essential self- the true essence of who you are and who you're meant to become.  She is a reminder of the bright light within each of us that gets dimmed by the restrictions imposed upon us by the expectations of society.  She reminds us that in order to be fully present to life, we must uncover that light and let it shine brightly...you're invited to shine brightly and to know that your true self is being called out to engage the world.  Your authentic self doesn't fit in a box; it needs the freedom to shine... The Wild Woman says, 'Shine brightly, dance with abandon, be yourself, and let the Great Spirit decide what happens.'"

Who will you become?

Blinded- Step 4

    In the fourth step of our life changing journey we will make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.  That sounds pretty self-damning when we say it that way.  A lot of us are recovering drug addicts, alcoholics, or may simply be working these steps as a means of emotional support and healing, so what good does it do to beat ourselves up with our own mistakes over and over again?  We must realize that this step of healing is about ripping off the band-aid, and it is the beginning of the deep wading through our murky souls.  Why did we turn to drugs to begin with?  Why do we hurt inside?  Why are we sad on happy days?  Why do we cry when nothing is outwardly wrong?  We've spent our whole lives until this moment blinding ourselves to what hurts our hearts, trying not to feel that pain anymore.  For people who grew up in a rough environment it was a means of survival, for adults who went through trauma it was a way to protect themselves.  Aren't we tired of blindly stumbling through life with our stone walls and high towers?  Yes, they have protected us in the past, but those same walls have also kept us in, kept us from growing into who we were meant to be.  The lack of sunshine beneath our self-made cement prison has stunted our spiritual and emotional growth without allowing us the much needed oxygen and nutrients to actually heal from what hurt us in the first place.  We turn to outside means to make us feel better because we never actually healed; we never moved on even though we ignored and pushed down that pain over and over again.  The only way to truly move on from our secret pain is to admit that our pain is really there and allow ourselves to FEEL it.  This step was critical in my healing process, and "The Pig on My Porch" is based on my journey and inspired by this step.  I began with writing about the first memory that I had deep within my psyche.  I was reminded of childhood play, secret desires, my shortcomings, hidden disappointments, and then as I grew I came to chapters that were a little harder to get through.  I wrote about the death of my mother, my sexual abuse, low self-esteem and mental health, domestic violence, and addiction.  I let one hurtful memory after another build chapter upon chapter until I had written hundreds of pages.  An amazing thing began to happen as I forced myself to recall every outstanding personal experience- by the end of each chapter I was able to look at my memories with clear eyes.  I was able to relive each recollection and feel those feelings in a way that respected my younger self, but with an adults mind and a fresh perspective.  By the end of my book I was finally able to see things the way that they really were, not just for me, but for everyone involved.  By the time I had transcribed all of my thoughts and emotions onto the once blank pages and placed that final period, I was able to do the most miraculous thing: UNDERSTAND and FORGIVE.  I had to look at my deepest secrets, my worst pain, feel it, sit in it, and then let it go.  Maybe a lot of what happened to us in our lives hadn't been our fault, we were the victims, the hurt ones.  But by pushing down our pain and ignoring what our soul is telling us is wrong we somehow become someone that we don't recognize.  We go from the victim to the culprit without realizing it, because we go to extraordinary measures to stop feeling what hurts.  It's time to look directly into that black pool of torment and calm the storm.  It's okay to let ourselves feel the pain that we've been running from, because only then can we transform from the wounded to the liberated.
What are you hiding from?

Sciamachy
   (n.)  A battle against imaginary enemies; fighting your shadow