Surrender- Step 3

       I'm stubborn, that's obvious, and I'll admit that fact freely.  I've never been one to wave my white flag or give up easily, so when I'm told that the only way to truly heal is to surrender my life, my mind goes wild.  My chest immediately fills with pride and I feel the protective stone walls of my ego building higher and higher to block out the advice that I don't want to hear.  Yield, relent, back down, cave in, concede, acquiesce, fall, resign... these are words that I naturally fight against on a daily basis.  These are also the very verbs that I need to learn from in order to take the next step forward.  The third step is to make the decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand Him.  It took me four years to work past this step, but the funny thing is that I never even knew that I was stuck on this part until after I was finally able to work it.  I remember the first time that my rehab counselor looked at the group and explained that in step three we would have to rely on our Higher Power, the God of our understanding.  Upon hearing those words I immediately stopped listening, thinking that step wasn't for me.  I live in the bible belt; I've gone to church three times a week for my entire life.  I thought to myself, "I already know who God is; I don't need to work this step."  But years later when I still struggled with my guilt complex and realized that I was still wrestling with the same old crap, I suddenly knew that I NEVER actually knew who God was.  I had never worked that step because I had no idea what it meant to trust the God OF MY UNDERSTANDING.  I had been missing those key words the entire time.  I thought that the God that my preacher had told me about was actually my God, but hell fire and the threat of eternal damnation hadn't helped my addiction or depression or self-esteem.  What I really needed was to find MY God, the way that I understood Him, in the way that made ME feel loved.  There is no way that any one person can teach about their God, how they perceive Him (or Her), and expect it to be true for EVERYONE listening.  As a child I was told a lot of stories that didn't seem to make sense, and they didn't particularly make me feel safe the way they were intended to.  But now that I am older I can decide what I believe and which parts are true to me.  Religion is NOT what my God is about, it in fact has absolutely nothing to do with my Higher Power.  Spirituality is everything.  The God of my understanding is in me and around me and flows through every living thing on this planet.  THAT is something that I can relax into and maybe decide to surrender to.  I don't have to be perfect (in the way that religious leaders think perfection to be), but I know that I am perfectly made in the balance of nature and energy.  I don't need an all-knowing being to judge every mistake I make and require me to throw myself into penance hoping for forgiveness and a fresh start.  What I need is the God who knows that when I decide to ask for forgiveness for something that I need only to ask myself, because my God never did stop loving me for that awful thing that happened, I did.  I am not interested in rules, requirements, or commands, but I desperately seek the approval of the one spiritual being who never loses respect for me, for I am everything that I was created to be.  Once I am able to search within myself and find how I TRULY feel loved and who I feel humbled to worship, then I feel comfortable in surrendering myself.  It's an honor to bow my head in reverence to the spiritual being that I DO understand, that DOES love me, and that I KNOW I can trust.  And really, that's all this step truly requires.
What are you surrendering to?

"The 12 Steps and Goddess Spirituality"
- Kelly Palmer

Primal Roots (Muladhara)

       Fight or flight, natural survival instincts, the need to feel safe, these are all basic human rights and visceral urges.  Safety seems like such a fundamental and common thing to feel, but forty percent of all adults suffer from anxiety disorders, only ten percent of which get effectual help.  Once more, we can look into ourselves and see the imbalance.  The imbalance with no particular cause or cure, just a person who is either overactive or underactive at their root.  Muladhara can be broken into two words: Mula, which means root, and Dhara, which translates from Sanskrit as support.  Located at the base of the spine, this energy center in the body is where we store our sense of safety and security throughout our earthly journey.  This is our foundation, our grounding place, the firm soil and stable base from which all of our other chakras stem and flow.  If this tender ground is uprooted then all of the branches and leaves above will shake and quiver from the instability of the movement.  The clearing of every chakra is important for happiness and the achievement of enlightenment, regardless of whether the pain stems from sexual trauma, feelings of not being good enough, a broken heart, a hidden voice, inability to trust, or disbelief in the divine, because all of these energy points are connected.  Think of your body as a spiritual energy conduit of the celestial.  The life force penetrates through the crown and must travel through each chakra before exiting  at the root, meaning that a root issue can back up into an entire body problem.  A solid bedrock provides us the stability needed to create a home filled with joy and the banishment of anxiety, fear, and nightmares.  Grounding, also called earthing, is a way to plug our physical bodies into the spiritual earth and balance out our energy.  Nervous disorders abound with an overactive Muladhara because it is our survival center, our animal nature, our instinctual responses, our fearful need to continue to exist.  Fear is healthy for survival in some cases, but a balance is always needed for peace.  Sometimes, especially for survivors, it's difficult to trust that the world will give us what we need in order to endure, but connection to our higher self and trusting in a power greater than ourselves can help us feel safe.  Whether you call it Consciousness, Mother Nature, God, The Great Spirit, or your Higher Power, trust in the divine the way that a deer trusts that she will find food and watch as your stability and peace begin to grow.  The energy of the root allows us to harness our inner courage, resourcefulness, and the will to survive when we are going through tough times, but this base chakra also carries our ancestral memories, connecting us with the spiritual challenges and triumphs of our predecessors.  Memories of war, famine, disease, natural disasters, and abuse are all imprinted and passed down through the generations, weaving painful patterns and fearful framework.  When unbalanced there may be more problems to arise than just panic disorders and trust issues, this divergence can lead to physical troubles like eating disorders, bladder and elimination issues, back and leg pain, and ovarian cysts.  Basic needs such as food, water, shelter, and physical safety are not the only things needed to be happy in life; our emotional needs must also be met.  We must learn to let go of fear and focus our spiritual connections by nurturing the soul and meditating on our spirit guides.  As we pursue the bonding of our human experience with the earths energy we can relax as we begin to worry less, feel peace, and develop a sense of accomplishment.  People will notice how we begin to reach out to others through acts of kindness and compassion once we feel safe on the inside.  We are all animals fighting that basic instinct to survive, but even the animals know that they are a part of the earth and that there is no need to worry.  We must eat when we are hungry, sleep when we are tired, and flow with the energy of the world as if harmony could keep us centered to the core of all that is.  I will tell myself that I am deeply rooted, that I am safe, that I have a right to be here, that I stand for my values and my truth and for justice, that I have what I need, and that I am here standing on my own two feet.  I will nurture my body with exercise and relaxation, be open to new possibilities, and trust in the goodness of life.  I must be grateful for the challenges that help me grow and transform.  I must make choices that are good for me, and I must trust myself.  I must love life.
What's your primal root roaring for?

The Chakra Series

The Intolerance Of A Nation

       All too often I've sat and felt the weight of the world on my shoulders and wondered why there is so much pain.  I have come to the conclusion that it is all because of hate and intolerance and fear.  Why do we hate?  Why do we judge?  Because we are afraid.  We refuse to accept that other people of the world are different than we are because we don't understand them.  We push away people of a different sexual orientation because it's unknown to us.  We think that everyone with a different religion or belief than our own is wrong because we are afraid for our own souls.  In a nation where equality and freedom are supposed to be household staples I find that preachers teach against homosexuality and varying spirituality.  The Catholic believe one story while the Mormon believes another.  The Buddhist trusts in one way of life while the Orthodox practices another.  "Our way is the ONLY right way to eternal life!" they yell at each other, while deep down that belief is only breeding hate and fear.  Why do we need to do this?  I choose to simply accept that every person has their own diverse and individual belief system.  Each person has their own God.  Every single person on earth believes in a God that makes them feel safe and loved and we should not take that away from anyone or tell them that they're wrong.  I would consider myself a Christian because I love the way that Jesus taught.  But Jesus taught the opposite of what a lot of pastors teach.  If you read the Bible carefully enough you will see where Jesus taught differently than even the other apostles and church leaders taught.  But that is MY bible, and if someone else has their own then that's great too!  Come close and I'll tell you a secret...did you know that the traditional tale of Buddha says that he was born in the wilderness while his mother was traveling?  The Queen Maya was visited by four angels in her sleep that told her that she would bear a son who would become the "Enlightened One".  Sound familiar?  Don't be mad!  My point is that the world is so much bigger than we think it is.  There are thoughts that one of the wise men who visited baby Jesus was a Buddhist, or at least a "distinguished foreigner from the East".  There are so many beautiful and peaceful spiritual practices that do no harm: Hinduism, Taosim, Jainism, Judaism, Sikhism, Zoroastrianism, etc. but we can only see as far as our own noses.  But we do that because we are afraid!  We are afraid that we will lose our own place in heaven, our own morality, and our own faith if we don't impose our faith on others while those others are sitting there thinking the same thing about us and our religion.  WE ARE ALL THE SAME.  We are all human, we all believe in something, and we will all someday turn to dust.
What's your belief?